Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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