You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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