I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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