Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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