I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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