Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
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