$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
