Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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