So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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