if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
