Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
