thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
