ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
