just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Someone came in the potted fern
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
