i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
