there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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