UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
