Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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