shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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