I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
