tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
