all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
