Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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