hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
