Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
