How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
