i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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