so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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