hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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