I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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