apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
