you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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