Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
