I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
