I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
