This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
