you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
