Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
