I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
