Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
