I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize