gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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