We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
