i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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