I think im going to throw up on grandma
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
