my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
