so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
