he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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