So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
