school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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