Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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