You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
