I just pynch a tree in the face
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
