I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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