did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
