I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
