If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
