I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
